When was the last time you took yourself on a date?

I mean really, no cell phone, no book or journal, no company, just you and the details of your environment? I remember writing last year that everyone should go to a restaurant and eat alone at least once in their lives. I believe it even more now. I went to tea by myself today. I invited friends but they were unable to go, so I went alone. Not so uncommon. I had intended to journal, but soon after arriving realized a more beneficial result would be produced by staring into my tea cup and tracing the painted daffodils with my eyes, breathing slowly and riding on the ripples created by softly blowing into my steaming tea.

Had a conversation with Chris yesterday about art and she said something very poignant. I knew it already, but it struck me to hear again:

People who cannot draw, draw what they know is there, whereas artists draw what they see...

Artists therefore produce an accurate representation of the subject, whereas people who "try to draw a chair" come up with some vertical lines and a squished parallelogram.

how telling is that? Reminds me of those who I believe "see in colour" (Jessica Haywood: 2002). Free insight into me. Explains my opinions, perceptions, and admirations so completely... I admire people who *look at the world without thinking they already understand it, whom childlike wonder has not abjured, and who trust their perceptions enough to portray them... I do not subscribe to Rainer's "No Manifesto" or Tzara's "Dada Manifesto" ... nor to a liberal extreme or a conservative safety. I want to look at the world and see it.

So I allowed myself to be the sugar cube in a too-hot cup of tea. bubble. dissolve. breakdown. transform. I go places alone all the time, but it had been a while since I went out with myself for company on purpose. And a really long while since I drank a pot of tea by myself. Memories of The Ritz and Zen Cha swirled in my cup as I drank steamed petals and smiled at the matrix of my memory.

When was the last time you were proud to be yourself?

honestly, how often do you *humbly acknowledge the truth of you and allow yourself to be captivated with the lace of your own heart?

Oh what intricate beauty the Lord has woven into humanity...

I want to see it.

and I repeat:

                          "art is the science of my generation"

(...oh the stories I have not the words to tell!)

I believe the smell of rain is liberating.

I believe that spider-webs are beautiful, and that their intricacy is breathtaking, though their artists inspire the other kind of breathlessness.. the gasping kind, generally accompanied with a jump in my shoulders.

I believe that an “on” triple pirouette is one of the most beautiful feelings in my life.

I believe that the day I get to dance full out without fear of injury, I will faint with joy.

I believe that water tastes better than any other beverage on the planet.

I believe that lighting candles is therapeutic.

I believe that swimming underwater helps me breathe.

I believe in keeping a bookcase (either in your home, or your mind).

I believe that words look better with the British spelling.

I believe in having songs in your head.

I believe that I have been forgiven much.

i believe that brilliance is possible.

I believe in following your heart.

I believe the Lord is the only one who will ever fully know mine.

I believe my beauty is not diminished by another’s misunderstanding me.

I believe that everything comes back to Love.

I believe that when I do not write I become emotionally/mentally constipated.

I believe that musicians are better mathematicians than I.

I believe that St. Augustine was not being new-agey when he said “to know yourself is to know G*d.”

I believe my life has been touched with the most beautiful people on the planet
(and that today one of them, is 23).

I believe that if you truly love someone, you desire with all of your heart for them to succeed; you want their heart to be fulfilled and to see them active in the things that make them thrive; you long to assist the realization of their every cherished daydream, even if it means sacrificing your own.

I believe I don’t have to explain myself, or provide exhaustive explanations.

I believe the secrets in my heart are valuable. And that yours are too.

this was class this morning in Postmodern Dance... ok, so it's a bit more detailed than this, but...
Malia and I spent the morning trying not to giggle as we corrected all of Tim's (my prof) mispellings
he may be a beautiful dancer, but the man can't spell...at all. I was just glad to be sitting next to
her--to have someone to talk through the theories with when Tim skipped some.

I wish you could see her dance. She puts me to shame.

If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not selfseeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

I Corinthians 13

you know this moment?


it's the one right before this one:



I am definately feeling the shadows


and I wish they were not so inaccurate


*everything is tainted


I need to somehow change the volume


to pick up some new colours



*sigh*


life is fleeting


i want my scribbles to mean something


something worth remembering



I desperately do not want to be like this:


...to "have not love"...

anything but that.


these peices are too important to sacrifice



when should you put down the hemlock?


...

how fast did your heart beat today?
were the risks worth the adrenaline?
when was the last time you laughed so hard you cried?

how would you paint the past hour of your life?

what is your theme song for today?

I would just like to say that if I have ever flown on a plane to see you,

you should feel unbelievably loved.

I cannot stress this point enough.

...unbelievably loved.

i didn't think anyone could ever loved me this much.

i am moving to Africa.

Tunis to be exact.

in September.

call me.

...you know, part of me HATES the fact that I can get away with writing 2 research papers in a night.
Because that means that I DO IT. Every term. Paper due tomorrow. I started researching at 7:00 and just finished writing the bibliography-- not including the 2 hours of drive time to the library and the coffee break... oh come on, you know you do it too. But if I couldn't get away with this I would have to actually start working on my papers a couple weeks in advance... and the quality would be so much better. I am ridiculous. Oh well. My cramming abilities have got to count for something, right?

I only do it once a term-- during dead week and finals, but still...
off to finish the conclusion on the *other paper due tomorrow...

oh yeah, I would love some prayer for today (Friday). I have my interview for Tunisia at 4:14 PST, and then at midnight:30 I am flying to Mississippi for Lacy and Jeremy's wedding... and you know how i feel about airplanes. Thanks, I *really appreciate it.