June 23, 2005
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luckily, this is not theology class. be thankful.
these are grossely unformed and unfinished thoughts...
but hey, we're all about the process, right?
fear
so love casts out all fear, right? He who fears is not made perfect in love, because fear has to do with punishment... ok. G*d has not given us a spirit of... you know where I am going.
so what about when fear _reveals_ love? those moments when your heart freezes only to uncover unexpected unselfishness. It's caught me offguard recently. Sharpest expample to provide here: a news story about 2 people drowning in a place that caused suspision evoked tears and "dear G*d, please don't let it be"s for someone whose place years ago was enthroned in bitterness. What causes parents/rooommates/spouses to wait up for a missing loved one? fear-anger-frustration: concern. so is that _fear_ as described above? or are lexicalized semantics misplaced in these morphemes? Is it another manifestation of "love"? An overflowing/escaping expressing of the reality of the heart? and what about fear of being left? ok, maybe this example involves too many variables. fear of losing something cherished. insecurity. moving on. my faith in words is lost. we grow in circles. what are emotions?
p r o o f o f g r a c e
(...[shaking head] i am flying to cali tonight to see some of my most beloved friends...i should be happy. ... i hate the fear of flying... friday is my birthday, and all i can think about is what happened 6 months ago to the day... how vastly things can change in 6 months... and how masochistically we mark time...)
Mein Flugel ist zum Schwung bereit,
ich kehrte gern zuruck,
denn blieh ich auch lebendige Zeit,
ich batte wenig Gluck.
-Gerhard Scholem, "Gruss vom Angelus"
_A Klee painting named "Angelus Novus" shows an angel looking as though he is about to move away from something he is fixedly contemplating. His eyes are staring, his mouth is open, his wings are spread. This is how one pictures the angel of history. His face is turned toward the past. Where we perceive a chain of events, he sees one single catastrophe which keeps piling wreckage upon wreckage and hurls it in front of his feet. The angel would like to stay, awaken the dead, and make whole what has been smashed. but a storm is blowing from Paradise; it has got caught in his wings with such violence that the angel can no longer close them. This storm irresistibly propels him into the future to which his back is turned, while the pile of debris before him grows skyward. This storm is what we call progress._
-Walter Benjamin "Theses on the Philosophy of History"
(turnaroundturnaround)
You have to get burned to save your house from fire. -Hindi proverb
Comments (13)
the blog queen in full force.
glad you finally read the book.
proof of grace.
i enjoy your explaination.
train trip tomorrow.
good thoughts.
miss you.
xoxox
well, i do agree that love casts out fear. in my opinion, it is the overcoming fear that is the love. i think fear in some situations is natural, if my house were on fire. now, say crittenden were inside. i love him so much, so my love would be when i overcome that natural feeling of fear, run inside, and try to get him out.
but this is easy, i love crittenden, which is easy, he's very loveable, and he loves me back. more difficult, inviting a homeless stranger into my home, i do not show love because of fear that he or she may hurt me, may hurt my husband, may leave with my belongings, etc. i truly feel convicted here, i show a mediocre love, i sit down and talk with my homeless friend, i give what money i have on my person to my homeless friend, i spend time at church making food for my homeless friends, or drive a van full of homeless friends to the salvation army, i even give money to choices inc. (a service my church began) which provides housing (not a shelter, but their own houses) to homeless men, homeless women and their children, i work in a group home with girls who are essentially homeless because they have been taken from their parents' care and are in state's custody. but, opening my home to my homeless friend, this is where i fear. is this something i should do? that would be perfect love, wouldn't it?
I had a dream about you last night. I don't really remember it, but I remember you were a significant part of it....
i think jessy brings up the most excellent of points.
i fear the same thing.
although my love abounds for those less fortunate
[as i once was, my heart beats profoundly for these]
and i have no qualms giving what i have to even
the most obvious of drunkards and speed addicts;
i fear that if i were to allow even the sanest and
safest of homeless persons enter my home, my property
or my loved ones would be violated in some way.
is it selfishness and greed and lack of love?
or is it responsibility and wisdom?
is it realistic prevention?
or is it media propaganda forcing more space
between the classes?
i LOVE the bit about history and progress.
progress progress progress, i have theories
swimming in my head about progress.
maybe we'll talk about it tonight when
you come to my place...
[insert huge smile here]
Hope your flight was ok. I know, I know... you didn't enjoy it. I'm sorry I wasn't able to talk to you before you flew this time. I wish I could've. Anyway... Happy Birthday to you! Is there anything you want from India for your birthday? I just might be in the neighborhood of India sometime this month. *wink*
I miss you. I am celebrating you on your birthday... even if you're not here to enjoy it. =)
TOTALLY okay...got your card...so sweet and encouraging...yet my heart is saddened because yours is heavy...hope you have SUCH a wonderful and refreshing time in CA with Sheri and Kristen...call me soon
Love you miss you. I wasn´t able to read the whole thing I just wanted to say HI!!
J
Happy birthday Shuter, almost forgot yours' is only a few days before mine. Dont ever stop updating, you keep one of the most contemplative and uplifting sites around.
"you shall fear the Lord your God; you shall serve Him and cling to Him"
i love you, Erin
and HAPPY BIRTHDAY
Happy birthday!
friends like you are addicting...
Fear is a manifestation of love- albeit an immature one. The Lord tells us not to worry, that we are His beloved, and he will provide for us, that nothing happens that does not slip through His hands into the space-time continuom and onto the earth. So fear is just worry, and that's all from the enemy, trying to get us to doubt God's provision. But that doesn't make it any less viable- it just makes it a lie. What matters is that Mommy feels that way about her baby who is running in front of the Guiness truck- this is good, this is biology, but we need to slowly learn, and we walk with Him, to trust in faith, and to be prudent where there are beer-bearing trucks. Get me?
today was a better day...
thank you.
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