April 30, 2005
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When was the last time you took yourself on a date?
I mean really, no cell phone, no book or journal, no company, just you and the details of your environment? I remember writing last year that everyone should go to a restaurant and eat alone at least once in their lives. I believe it even more now. I went to tea by myself today. I invited friends but they were unable to go, so I went alone. Not so uncommon. I had intended to journal, but soon after arriving realized a more beneficial result would be produced by staring into my tea cup and tracing the painted daffodils with my eyes, breathing slowly and riding on the ripples created by softly blowing into my steaming tea.
Had a conversation with Chris yesterday about art and she said something very poignant. I knew it already, but it struck me to hear again:
People who cannot draw, draw what they know is there, whereas artists draw what they see...
Artists therefore produce an accurate representation of the subject, whereas people who "try to draw a chair" come up with some vertical lines and a squished parallelogram.
how telling is that? Reminds me of those who I believe "see in colour" (Jessica Haywood: 2002). Free insight into me. Explains my opinions, perceptions, and admirations so completely... I admire people who *look at the world without thinking they already understand it, whom childlike wonder has not abjured, and who trust their perceptions enough to portray them... I do not subscribe to Rainer's "No Manifesto" or Tzara's "Dada Manifesto" ... nor to a liberal extreme or a conservative safety. I want to look at the world and see it.
So I allowed myself to be the sugar cube in a too-hot cup of tea. bubble. dissolve. breakdown. transform. I go places alone all the time, but it had been a while since I went out with myself for company on purpose. And a really long while since I drank a pot of tea by myself. Memories of The Ritz and Zen Cha swirled in my cup as I drank steamed petals and smiled at the matrix of my memory.
When was the last time you were proud to be yourself?
honestly, how often do you *humbly acknowledge the truth of you and allow yourself to be captivated with the lace of your own heart?
Oh what intricate beauty the Lord has woven into humanity...
I want to see it.
Comments (19)
there's a book within your soul. you have a way with words, unlike any other that i've seen.
had my audition today. it was for this television show called "exposure entertainment" and also to be represented by the agency. i have to call back on monday at 11:00am to find out if "i'm in."
i enjoyed being myself today. i played the guitar for them and did a little acting as well. only i got a little frustrated because i had choreographed my audition piece and locked it in, but when time came for me to dance, i only did about two eight-counts of what i choreographed. they even let me do it twice. (they liked them both) for some reason, i just couldn't do it. so i just let whatever was in me OUT. it felt good in that respect.
it made me want more.
they didn't know it, but what they were witnessing was a heart dripping with passion -- DANGEROUS passion. so dangerous that it could result in this massive erruption of . . . true expression. not for money, or fame, or a big break, but for expression.
i'm movin' out. i'm movin' on. and i don't care how much it hurts. this rope is burnin', but i'm not turnin' around. (a line from my baby's new song) i can't. i am his.
i just want God to throw the paints of his love all over this blank canvas that i call myself and to glide brushes -- maneuvered by passion -- across the vessel that is me. i want to be splattered with this collaboration of colors that may seem random to some, but to me, make perfect sense. i want to be a work. i want to be his work. perfectly.
love.
i'm ready to emerge. quit what is now, and start over again. oh, how i took for granted the days when my spirit was free to do. i'm giving it back to him so that he can give it back to me. i hear him, erin, calling me. whispering now, but it's turning into a roar and i will be there to answer.
i will be there to answer.
Words in my head couldnt not express what you just wrote.....
It is good to run away to a an amazing place just by your self and dream!
Dream of the future, dream of all sorts of things.
Even look at others through the eyes of the one who crerated all trhings.
It was good talking to you today, MISS YOU A LOT!
Beautiful.
I GET it.
erin, do i know you? email me.
thanks for kindness,
bradley
What if what you see is so disturbing you can't bear it. What if what you see is so beautiful beyond words, but everything else conceals it. What if you can't get across what you see.
actuallly i put my point in, from a florida stand point.
i mentioned the NW.
but whatev
good thing you are excited.
can't tell.
you don't call me back.
hope you are well.
elspaniard
ATF and fun have ceased to be synonymous in a sense. But that's a good thing if you dig deep. There is great need among youth, eh. It is sad that we don't have better plans to individually disciple teens and work with their families "after the event". Relationship. Sad how often we overlook the part of the great commission that talks about making disciples. One youth pastor is not enough. One youth pastor and a group of volunteers are not enough either. And have you ever thought about how we might be cutting off a possible life flow by thinking that it is impossible to reach their parents too? burdens burdens =) Thanks for your comments. Don't take what I've written here as directed toward you or anyone! Just what has been on my mind lately. Grace to you Erin.
Beautiful Post. I love it. My phone is dead at the moment but when it works I shall call you.
I have news for you too.
J
i know that i already posted, but my audition has come and gone. long story short, it didn't turn out as i had anticipated.
the agency did -- in fact -- love me and said that they wanted to represent me and wanted me to go to hollywood to meet some agents and casting directors and to be on their television show. so i got in/on. i have to go back for a personal interview in a few days so . . . the only thing i'm worried about is them finding out how quirky i really am.
it felt good to be affirmed in my talent though. i was beginning to think that i was digressing, like this downward spiral had somehow substituted my ability to determine the truth and that is, i'm always able.
there are a few financial details that i need to work out, but if it's God and i'm obedient, it'll happen.
she said i had great dancing skills. she said that i had a beautiful voice. and she said that my little cold reading was cute. (she pro'ly could have kept that last comment, but you know.) i got a video of the whole audition so i'm gonna watch it and figure out what the heck i did for the dance since ALL CHOREOGRAPHY FREAKIN' WALKED OUT OF THE DOOR.
love.
thanks... i might remember you, what's your last name, what's something i might remember you by?
if i don't get you on the phone today. check my site.
jeremy
SO wonderful to talk to you, too...i really really want to talk more this week hopefully...don't forget to call on
Wednesday if you still can during your break...i hope to be free. you are such a beautiful and dear friend. i just love you SO much! Can't wait to share life again...
you are light, friend...
to see in colour...how long lost i feel from sight...
at the risk of sounding cheesey: good post
hey...thanks for getting the metaphor. you are the first...I was going to restate it...but I decided not to...what is your opinion...call me.
"When was the last time you were proud to be yourself?"
You got a way with words.
God we need to enjoy who we are...
Every minute of our enviroment...
Our lives...
Ahhh the beauty!
Thanks Erin.
So yeah, I would pretty much fight a rabbid dog to see you in August. Please call me. Please please please please. I will meet you half way if I have to. I need your information too... phone number, address, and birthdate. You are wonderful.
please call me! I'd rather hear your voice than read an email....:)
why is it
that you alsways seem
to radiate such beauty
from Above?
you got wisdom guurrrr.
love you.
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